I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
