He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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