I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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