STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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