So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
