He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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