God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
