Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
