Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize