Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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