apparently the secret to your success is patron
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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