i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
