It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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