I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
