You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
