drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's the barista slut.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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