I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize