hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
