The maid of honor just puked.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
