btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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