Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
