you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize