Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My vagina is very pro this idea
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
