We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
