she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
