got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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