Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
