They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
