Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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