I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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