its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So squirting runs in the family.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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