I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
