so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
