Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
