just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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