just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
