census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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