If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize