I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
