I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
