I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
