Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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