you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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