Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
