WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
