walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
