she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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