Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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