I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
