I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
