"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
