fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
