NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
