i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
