I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You smell like stripper and shame
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize