I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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