hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
