She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
