Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
