A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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