I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
