I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
