Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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