come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
