Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to make a zoo with you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
