My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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