she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you would pick up someone in the library
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
